Fantasy Football Makes You a Bad Person
Let’s be honest. Fantasy football is basically Pokémon for grown men. Who you pick to be your forward this week has exactly ZERO impact on the outcome of the game. And when you win your league, NO ONE gives a shit. Yet for the countless number of football fans out there, fantasy football is life …. and death. The annual gathering of men to partake in a meaningless sporting version of dungeons and dragons is at best pathetic in the eyes of outsiders. But for those in the inner circle, this is usually the highlight of our lives.
However, fantasy football is not just a harmless exercise that millions participate in every season. Like the force, there is a dark side to it as well.
Let us take you through the mortal sins of Fantasy Football…..
Lack of Compassion
20 points behind the league leader and he still has Vardy who is yet to play? This is when you pray to the fantasy gods for an injury to Vardy five minutes into the game. Or better yet, a red card on his very first touch of the ball. When it does happen, you can barely contain your joy and excitement. All the years of civic education where we were taught to never gloat about others misfortunes just goes out of the window. You become a soulless person who doesn’t feel compassion.
Fantasy football makes you support teams that you would have never dreamed of rooting for. A lifelong Liverpool fan but Rooney is in your rooster this week? Suddenly Manchester United’s matchup becomes the highlight of your week and you secretly hope that they win and Rooney scores a hat-trick. This is betrayal of your club and team at the highest level.
You play in the same league as the guy you knew since kindergarten. Another guy was the best man at your wedding. But yet when fantasy football season starts, you hate these guys to the core. Especially when they are doing well in the league. Even when they suck, you despise them. And when you lose a challenge to them, you hate even their firstborn. The hatred quickly consumes you and the world around you.
Perhaps when feelings (or the lack of) start to creep up upon you, it could be a good time to sit out a season of fantasy football and gain a little perspective. Perhaps if you devoted as much time to your career and family as you give to fantasy football your life might change for the better?
Who are you kidding? Give in to it and embrace the DARK side.
FF_Victorious Secret has been holding down a full-time job while juggling his passion for fantasy football for over 10 years.
His fantasy football results are mediocre at best, having never won the league but coming close on a couple of occasions.
His endeavours in fantasy football mirrors the real-life performance of the team he supports – Liverpool FC