Why you suck at Fantasy Football

So it’s mid May and football season is ending. You’re looking at your Fantasy Football points total and wonder what went wrong. You longingly think back to that year where you finished first runner-up and try to remember what that felt like. Another season down the drain and another off-season of constant ridicule from the guys in the league about bad you are at Fantasy Football.

Let’s face the truth. You suck at Fantasy Football and this is why:

 

You don’t pay attention to the transfers

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Life goes on. There are classes to attend, bosses chasing you for a deadline, the baby’s sick, your wife’s birthday is next week, blah blah blah. The list goes on. That leaves you very little time to keep up to that with the latest additions to the Premier League and the possible fantasy gems that might score big in the coming season. Didn’t know about Fraser Forster at the start of the season because you were caught up in a huge project at work? That’s why you suck.

My point: Don’t bother about the other things. Education, income and the wife pale in comparison to the grand scheme of things that is Fantasy Football.

You only know the top 100 players

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Aguero? Of course he’s going to do well. Ozil? Midfield genius. Problem with picking these guys? EVERYONE else has them! So you end up picking these players week in week out and fill up the rest of the rooster with random players. And moan when the random guys don’t do well for you.

My point: Stop obsessing about how many points Aguero will get for you and go find out who the goalkeeper of Leicester City is (Kasper Schmeichel, by the way).

You are obsessed with new players in the Premier League

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 This point contradicts the first point. Everyone loves to get on the bandwagon first for the next best revelation in the Premier League. Your favourite La Liga player just entered the league and this will be his big chance to prove himself. That’s no way he wouldn’t be the next points machine in the league. And so you find yourself sticking with him and finding excuses for his bad performance (maybe he just needs time to settle down?) Need I remind everyone of the Pedro bandwagon (myself included)?

My point: Most newcomers are hard to predict, so give it some time before getting on the bandwagon. Except for Benteke. I’m going all in on him.

You pick too many players from your favourite team 

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You feel it in your bones; this is the season when your childhood team is going to win it all. Why not make it a double celebration and win the Fantasy Football league by picking players from your team? You know the team and all the latest transfers. You can recall the starting line-up better that when your wedding anniversary is. I present to you all the supporters of Liverpool FC.

My point: The world of Fantasy Football is cold and cruel. Stop dreaming and drop Mignolet.

You don’t know who is injured or suspended

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This is the worst way to suck to Fantasy Football. Didn’t know Yaya Toure was injured because you were rushing to send your kid to a play-date and had no time to check the injury table before setting your squad?  NO points for you! Not sure if Moreno is starting this week due to European Cup commitments and didn’t check the starting line-up because you were at your sister’s wedding dinner? NO points for you!

My point: Don’t sweat the small stuff; make Fantasy Football your number one priority. And stay away from Phil Jones, he’s breaks at the slightest touch.

Any one of the above reasons will break your entire season. Months of careful deliberation and waking up at odd hours of the night just to check the starting line-up will go down the toilet just like that. My suggestion is to always get in a league with people who are dumber than you. And read the Titan of course, he’s always right.

Better luck next season!

About FF Victorious Secret 13 Articles

FF_Victorious Secret has been holding down a full-time job while juggling his passion for fantasy football for over 10 years.
His fantasy football results are mediocre at best, having never won the league but coming close on a couple of occasions.
His endeavours in fantasy football mirrors the real-life performance of the team he supports – Liverpool FC

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