Sports Humour

This section of the website is where we share a bit of sports related humour to hopefully brighten up your day when you are feeling down. Feel free to look through our archives for funny sports related jokes or photos that we’ve seen or produced.

Best (WAG) Signings for the 2017/18 Premier League Season (Part I)

Every season, fans get excited when their clubs make big money transfers to lure in footballers from overseas. Beyond watching how these footballers will perform on the pitch, season ticket holders can also ogle at some of the stunning WAGs that come with these footballers. With the transfer activity yet to be fully concluded, we have a first look at the gorgeous ladies that will be gracing the stadiums (and hopefully our television screens) in the next season!

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Which is your favourite WAG?

Elena Ortiz is the girlfriend of new Watford signing Kiko Femenia. Little is known about her beyond the fact that she's active on Instagram.

 

Lais Moraes is the wife of new Man City goalkeeper Ederson. She has been married to Ederson for 3 years and recently gave birth to their first daughter Yasmin.

 

 

Alice Campello is the wife of new Chelsea signing Alvaro Morata. She is as popular as her husband with over 1 million followers on Instagram. She is a model and fashion designer and runs her own brand of bags called Avril.

 

 

Laura Benschop is the girlfriend of new Toffee signing Davy Klaasen. This stunning Dutch native did her degree in criminology in Vancouver and more recently was voted into the Miss Netherlands competition.

 

 

 

Alicia Verrando is the girlfriend of new Man City signing Bernardo Silva. This tall brainy beauty has a degree in international business and worked as a marketing intern for Silva's former club Monaco.

 

 

Sonia Sonck is the girlfriend of the Terrier's club record signing Laurent Depoitre. Not much is known of Sonia beyond the fact that she's a model and is very active on social media.

 

 

Maja Nilsson is the girlfriend of new Red Devils signing Victor Lindelof. This stunning Swede works in marketing and also blogs for Swedish website Femme.

 

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Best (WAG) Signings for the 2017/18 Premier League Season (Part I)

Every season, fans get excited when their clubs make big money transfers to lure in footballers from overseas. Beyond watching how these footballers will perform on the pitch, season ticket holders can also ogle at some of the stunning WAGs that come with these footballers. With the transfer activity yet to be fully concluded, we have a first look at the gorgeous ladies that will be gracing the stadiums (and hopefully our television screens) in the next season!

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  • Elena Ortiz is the girlfriend of new Watford signing Kiko Femenia. Little is known about her beyond the fact that she's active on Instagram.

If you like what you read, don’t forget to like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter or Instagram!


Why I Play Fantasy Premier League

Choose your team colour.

Choose your players.

Choose your captain.

Choose to drop a player even though he was scoring.

Choose to bench a striker that is 50-50.

Choose to field a goalkeeper against the league’s top scorers.

Choose to play 4-5-1 when all your rivals are on 3-4-3.

Why?

Because you can.

Because this is your fantasy team.

Because there are other teams like this but this one is yours.

 

Choose to play Fantasy Premier League.

Just Because.

Here are five reasons why we play FPL ..

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It Makes Every Game Exciting

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Stoke VS WBA at 3am on a Monday night? Pfff…

If your line-up has 3 Stoke attackers and 3 WBA defenders, then this game makes all the difference and you will get up to watch it. Playing FPL makes every game in the Premier League season exciting. It gives you a reason to watch every one of them – yes – quite possibly all 380 of them in a season.

 

Games of Thrones Skill

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Gambling and betting are just games of luck. There is no point, you win some and lose some and the house always wins. FPL, is, however, a game of skill. And knowledge. And hard work. And effort. Season in season out, mates who do well in FPL repeat their feats over and over again.

“Why do you think the same five guys make it to the final table of the World Series of Poker EVERY YEAR? What, are they the luckiest guys in Las Vegas?” asked Mike McDermott (Matt Damon) in the 1998 film Rounders. Well said. Well said.

 

Accessibility and Intuition

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If you had already built your life around the Premier League, then FPL is accessible and intuitive. You build your hunches after building a human almanac of past reasons. You can smell it when your favourite striker is due a hat-trick. You just know it when your team is going to keep a clean sheet. Today, FPL is an app away. Choosing a line-up is quick and easy if you want it to be. If you want to take 5 hours doing it, so be it – it will still be hell enjoyable.

 

Prize and Money

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“If you are good at something, never do it for free,” said the Joker. In the world of Fantasy Premier League , there are tonnes of prizes to be won. The official FPL game offers superb prizes to global overall winners and solid monthly prizes. However, anyone in the game knows how difficult it is to actual be the top of the pile of a game played by nearly 4.5 million players.

Another platform that offers prizes is of course leaguesx.com. This platform offers micro prizes for winning games and for 2017/18, is offering a swathe of impressive prizes across different game modes. Suffice to say, there aren’t 4.5million players in League SX (yet), so with good skills, winning something isn’t as difficult!

 

Bragging Rights

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If prizes and money are not what turn you on, bragging rights may. The FPL Draft edition is launched officially this year in the official site and it offers an opportunity for managers to form small mini-leagues to take on your mates. In a nutshell, the draft version sets a universe where one player can only be “owned” by one manager and trading of players are widely encouraged.

Togga FPL Draft of course already offers this format last season. It has an easy-to-use app and a good platform that offers managers opportunities to play FPL in a Draft format, much like how many American Fantasy Sports are played in.

There you go, five solid reasons to play Fantasy Premier League – if you ever need any.

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FPL season has begun! Join our TITAN Classic league --> 344507-104871

 


My Fantasy Season so far - as described by quotes from GoT

In every season, every fantasy manager has a story to tell. From the highs of picking the right captain to the troughs of selecting a villain who got himself sent off. You name it, you have it. Whilst no story will be as compelling as George RR Martin's Game of Thrones, this is my season thus far, as retold by quotable quotes from Game of Thrones....

GW -4 >> Summertime and I am just getting warmed up. The latest version of Fantasy Premier League is just available. This year is my year. I am so going to win the league. “Power resides where men believe it resides, it’s a trick, a shadow on the wall, and a very small man can cast a very large shadow”. When I win the league this season, I will rule .. of these bunch of useless minions.

GW-1 >> Just days left to kick off. I cannot wait. I have decided to give it all this season after my own epiphany - "When you play a game of thrones you win or you die. There is no middle ground” OK, fine, I will not die per se but if I were to do badly again this year a part of me will die. With the season.

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GW 2 >> After a typically disastrous first week, I used my wildcard in GW2. I have a plan. “Always keep your foes confused. If they are never certain who you are or what you want, they cannot know what you are like to do next. Sometimes the best way to baffle them is to make moves that have no purpose, or even seem to work against you." I trust myself to know what I am doing.

GW 10 >> The clock in England has shifted, pushing all games an hour later in Asia. The Premier League is now yellow. This can only mean ... "Winter is coming". A spell of four months without international break and a fixture pile-up over the Christmas season. Yums.

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GW 17 >> Going into Christmas, bottom of the league and no wildcard until the turn of the year. All hopes are surely lost. So maybe ... "Now (my) watch has ended" ... 

GW 19 >> New Year's Eve and countdown time in Asia. Friends and family have gathered, asking me to join in. No, I have too much at stake. My Triple captain is playing and I have to fixate on the game. Ahh "The things I do for love" ...

GW 21>> "You know nothing, Jon Snow", I thought as I clicked 'yes' to use my second wildcard, 2 Game weeks into the second half.

GW24>> The banter is getting serious. Sentiments are high as words become bullets. Despite a low standing at the bottom of the pile, I stand strong. NO Romelu Lukaku I say. Not against Bournemouth. After all, "A lion does not concern himself with opinions of sheep"; albeit a sleeping lion at the moment.

GW 24 (late night) >> Four goals and 21 FPL pts from Lukaku. Two rivals Triple Captained him. Kill me now, since "What is dead may never die".....

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Present >> Mentally I am back. Where do I go from here? Can I at least not finish bottom (again) this year? Shh ... Who's that? What did I hear? "If you think this has a happy ending, you haven't been paying attention..." Echoes from a far ...

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Which Stark are you in your fantasy league?

It's March and it can only mean two things - the Premier League season is entering its home stretch and yes, the next season of Game of Thrones is just round the corner. As we prepare ourselves mentally and physically for both, let us sit down and think about this - Which Stark are you in your fantasy league?

 

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The 10 Most Ridiculous Football Injuries

Footballers are a pampered lot. Going down at the slightest touch on the pitch and crying for their moms when they have the sniffles. But over the years, footballers have continued to amaze us with their ability to get injured in every imaginable way possible. Here’s a look at the top 10 funniest/most bizarre.

  1. Santiago Canizares; the things we do to smell good

Perhaps this belongs to the category of unlucky rather than funny. It was 2002 and the blond Spanish first-choice goalkeeper was in his hotel room at Spain’s training base. After he accidentally smashed a bottle of aftershave, a shard of glass severed his tendon in his right foot. After being told his World Cup was effectively over, a certain Iker Casilas came along and Canizares was forgotten.

  1. Rio Ferdinand; couch potato

Having just joined Leeds for a record £18m in November 2000 and only playing eight times for his new club since the move, the world’s most expensive defender decided to rest his leg on his coffee table while catching up on some telly while at home. To be honest, we’ve all been there but Rio probably is the only one that managed to strain his tendon behind the knee while watching

  1. Kevin Prince-Boateng; sex machine

Whilst not mentioning any specific injury, in the 2011/12 Serie A season, Boateng suffered a range of injuries for which his girlfriend, Sports Illustrated model Melissa Satta managed to shed some light on: “The reason why he is always injured is because we have sex 7-10 times a week.” I’m sure our hearts go out to him.

  1. David James; couch potato number 2

Everyone says watching too much TV is bad for you, but the former England goalkeeper takes this to the extreme. He once pulled a back muscle while reaching for the TV remote control. He’s just not that good with his hands…

  1. Leroy Lita; bedridden

The Reading striker missed the first month of the 2007/08 through injury after damaging a leg muscle as he stretched in bed after waking up. Then Reading boss Steve Coppell didn’t really see the funny side: “He woke up and stretched while in bed and he has done something to his leg. It is not an injury that should be ridiculed or made light of. It looks to be a problem with a nerve. Maybe he has displaced one, but he could hardly walk on Monday and had to sit out training.” Guess it was one of those days when staying in bed really would have been better.

  1. Adam Chapman; good Dad

In October 2012, Oxford United’s Adam Chapman earned himself a trip to the hospital after burning his nipple. With milk. The gaffer Chris Wilder explained: “Adam Chapman, like this good dad he is, was making his baby some milk and he managed to shake the bottle up and down, but he didn't put the lid back on properly. He burnt his chest and had to go to hospital for a check up.” Thankfully, he didn’t have to cry over spilt milk as he played through the pain and got a 3-1 win over Wycombe the next day.

  1. Darius Vassell; handyman

During an attempt at DIY foot surgery in October 2002, Vassell tried to relieve the pain of a swollen big toe by taking a cordless power drill to it in hope of draining the blood and easing the pressure. Naturally, that earned him a trip to the hospital and consequently missing the next 3 games. Thankfully, football worked out for him rather than his second calling as a handyman.

  1. Kevin Kyle; good Dad number 2

In April 2006, Sunderland and Scotland striker Kevin Kyle was just going about his business of feeding his 8-month old son, Max. He had the youngster perched on his knee, while holding a jug of hot water to warm up a bottle of milk. But Max slipped and booted the jug - splashing water in his dad's lap, burning his testicles and inner thigh. A club insider said: “He is walking a bit like John Wayne at the moment.”

  1. Michael Stensgaard; Iron Man

In May 1994, Michael Stensgaard was bought by Liverpool for a transfer fee of GBP400,000 to succeed Bruce Grobbelaar as understudy to David James. A bizarre injury effectively ended his chances of breaking into the Liverpool first team when he dislocated his shoulder when setting up an ironing board soon after joining the club. The injury evolved into a recurring shoulder ailment requiring surgery, and he never played a first team game for the club.

  1. Dave Beasant; the food connoisseur

During the 1993/1994 Premier League season, Beasant infamously dropped a bottle of salad cream in the kitchen and tried to control it with his barefoot. The bottle tore a tendon in his big toe and the Chelsea goalkeeper promptly missed 2 months of the season. What we can all learn for this is, never bring your work back home.

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6 Tell-tale signs that you are addicted to Fantasy Football

The first step to solving any problem ... is to admit that there is a problem. We are no psychiatrists but have seen many friends and even family members join the dark side over the years, let us help you diagnose if you are addicted to Fantasy Football.

These are tell-tale signs of an addict.


    • When you type "fa" on your browser it leads you to fantasy.premierleague.com instead of facebook.com

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  • International breaks are genuine breaks for your well-being

    You finally get to spend quality time with your non-football family and friends and can have a meal without checking up on live scores every 45 seconds..

 

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    • When your heart pumps doubly hard when your chosen player takes a penalty

      When you have the goalkeeper, too

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  • When almost every Premier League match has something riding on it

    Bring on WBA vs Stoke City and Crystal Palace vs Burnley!

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  • When the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is to check how many points you have scored the previous night

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  • When abbreviations like WC / GW / BP actually mean something to you

    Yes - something only we know

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  • TITAN Classic Fantasy Premier League Code                    : 344507-104871

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Name the players - from pictures of them when they were young

When they were young

 

Answers:

1) Rio Ferdinand

2) Wayne Rooney

3) Leo Messi

4) David Beckham

5) Cristiano Ronaldo

6) Luiz Suarez

7) Steven Gerrard

8) Frank Lampard

9) Zlatan Ibrahimnovic

10 Ryan Giggs

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Fantasy Football for Dummies

It’s the middle of July - you’re bored out of your mind and on the edge of depression. But before you drown yourself with binge-drinking and Netflix there’s light at the end of the tunnel – the Premier League is back! It’s time to form a league with your buddies and fight for bragging rights in Fantasy Football. But before you begin, you may be looking back to last season and wonder why you suck.

Fear not, FF Victorious Secret is here! For all you know, I’m the king of Fantasy Football and have never lost. So here are a few tips to get you started on creating the perfect Fantasy Football team.

First, you need to have an awesome Fantasy Football team name. This is of the utmost importance, as a humourous team name will distract the other players from how bad you are at Fantasy Football. Here’s a few to get you started; Boom Xhakalaka, For Fuchs Sake, Absolutely Fabregas, and so on.

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Second, always pick players that start and play. It is pointless picking the best under-21 player in the world if half the time he starts on the bench with his hand down his pants. If they are not guaranteed starters then there’s no point having them on your rooster. Do your homework and find out who is the first choice midfielder at Liverpool (Coutinho for sure) or the default forward at Manchester (who knows!).

 

Check the fixtures and take note of home and away players. When selecting your players always take a second look at the home team. For example, defenders playing at home will often have a better chance at a clean sheet than away teams. If you are playing in a Fantasy league with player valuations, it might make sense to make sure your cheapest defender is always playing at home (unless you were thinking about a team like Aston Villa, then you’re on your own).

 

Next, study the actual positions of players. Picking up players that are played out of positions can sometimes reap dividends. Lookout for defenders that have been pushed to midfield and attacking midfielders that play as forwards. Hazard and Sanchez were listed as midfielders in some fantasy games but in reality play upfront. But point to note, this doesn’t work in reverse!

 

Make sure you look at set pieces. Knowing who takes the freekicks, corners and penalties will be very useful information as these players will have higher chances of scoring more goals and assists.

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Lastly, loyalty doesn’t count for shit. Fantasy Football is a cold and emtionless game. Picking players from your favourite team because of your loyalty and familiarity will always bite you in the ass (I’m looking at you Balotelli!). Always go with the consistent performers even if they are from your most hated team. Winning the Fantasy Football league trumps everything else.

 

Extra Pointers

Avoid choosing new signings. These are unproven players in the Premier League and it is impossible to know how they will settle into their new club (Falcao anyone?) It’s never too late to jump on the bandwagon once they have proven themselves.

 

Try looking at the newly promoted clubs for good bargains. A few gems can usually be found in the promoted teams, or in last season’s case, the entire Leicester team. It is taking a slight risk, but could give you an edge over the rest of the league.

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Best of luck this coming season! Don't forget that when all else fails ... come and read what the Titan has to say!

Related

http://fftitan.com/sins-fantasy-football/

http://fftitan.com/suck-fantasy-football/

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