Fantasy Football for Dummies

It’s the middle of July – you’re bored out of your mind and on the edge of depression. But before you drown yourself with binge-drinking and Netflix there’s light at the end of the tunnel – the Premier League is back! It’s time to form a league with your buddies and fight for bragging rights in Fantasy Football. But before you begin, you may be looking back to last season and wonder why you suck.

Fear not, FF Victorious Secret is here! For all you know, I’m the king of Fantasy Football and have never lost. So here are a few tips to get you started on creating the perfect Fantasy Football team.

First, you need to have an awesome Fantasy Football team name. This is of the utmost importance, as a humourous team name will distract the other players from how bad you are at Fantasy Football. Here’s a few to get you started; Boom Xhakalaka, For Fuchs Sake, Absolutely Fabregas, and so on.



Second, always pick players that start and play. It is pointless picking the best under-21 player in the world if half the time he starts on the bench with his hand down his pants. If they are not guaranteed starters then there’s no point having them on your rooster. Do your homework and find out who is the first choice midfielder at Liverpool (Coutinho for sure) or the default forward at Manchester (who knows!).


Check the fixtures and take note of home and away players. When selecting your players always take a second look at the home team. For example, defenders playing at home will often have a better chance at a clean sheet than away teams. If you are playing in a Fantasy league with player valuations, it might make sense to make sure your cheapest defender is always playing at home (unless you were thinking about a team like Aston Villa, then you’re on your own).


Next, study the actual positions of players. Picking up players that are played out of positions can sometimes reap dividends. Lookout for defenders that have been pushed to midfield and attacking midfielders that play as forwards. Hazard and Sanchez were listed as midfielders in some fantasy games but in reality play upfront. But point to note, this doesn’t work in reverse!


Make sure you look at set pieces. Knowing who takes the freekicks, corners and penalties will be very useful information as these players will have higher chances of scoring more goals and assists.




Lastly, loyalty doesn’t count for shit. Fantasy Football is a cold and emtionless game. Picking players from your favourite team because of your loyalty and familiarity will always bite you in the ass (I’m looking at you Balotelli!). Always go with the consistent performers even if they are from your most hated team. Winning the Fantasy Football league trumps everything else.


Extra Pointers

Avoid choosing new signings. These are unproven players in the Premier League and it is impossible to know how they will settle into their new club (Falcao anyone?) It’s never too late to jump on the bandwagon once they have proven themselves.


Try looking at the newly promoted clubs for good bargains. A few gems can usually be found in the promoted teams, or in last season’s case, the entire Leicester team. It is taking a slight risk, but could give you an edge over the rest of the league.



Best of luck this coming season! Don’t forget that when all else fails … come and read what the Titan has to say!


The Sins of Fantasy Football

Why you suck at Fantasy Football

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About FF Victorious Secret 20 Articles
FF_Victorious Secret has been holding down a full-time job while juggling his passion for fantasy football for over 10 years. His fantasy football results are mediocre at best, having never won the league but coming close on a couple of occasions. His endeavours in fantasy football mirrors the real-life performance of the team he supports - Liverpool FC

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